Every single day in June about 13,000 American couples will say “I do,” but for many of them it just doesn’t work out. Every relationship will face tumultuous times. Through the bad times, enquiring minds want to know, what will make my marriage work? Today I’m going to share four simple, yet surprising truths about how to have a successful family.
Christians who attend church have a 25-50% lower divorce rate.
Following biblical principles always makes marriage better.
What Loving Wives do to Contribute to a Happy Family 18
Godly wives submit to their husbands.
Sweet submission is one of the incredible secrets of a happy marriage.
Submission is showing loving support and genuine respect for the husband.
It is “a voluntary attitude of putting others first.
Submission is the key to marital harmony.
Everyone needs someone to cheer them on. We need more encouragers.
What Loving Husbands do to Contribute to a Happy Family 19
Godly husbands demonstrate the attitude of a loving servant.
A loving husband will show honor and respect to his wife.
Self Sacrifice is at the core of our relationship with God.
Love is about loving like Jesus loved!
Bitterness can destroy your attitude and ruin your marriage.
We become bitter when other people don’t meet our expectations!
God never meant for you to force other people to obey. That’s not your job.
What Loving Children do to Contribute to a Happy Family 20
Children who love Jesus will want to obey their parents.
Children should learn to obey their parents in all things.
Rebellion brings chaos into a family.
Obedience brings harmony and joy into a family.
What Loving Fathers do to Contribute to a Happy Family 21
Godly fathers encourage their children.
Is your fathering resulting in frustration or harmony?
Too much teasing becomes exasperating to children.
Father’s discourage their children through anger and injustice.
Fathers have an incredible, powerful influence on their children.
Listen, this is not rocket science. These principles are not new but they are true. They have been around for thousands of years, and they are just as true today as when the ink dried on the page. It’s all about your attitude and behavior. If you want to change your family, you must change your attitude. Don’t be selfish, be submissive! Don’t be self centered, be considerate and loving! Don’t demand your own way, be obedient. Don’t be a frustration, be an encourager. The surprising secrets are out; People who apply biblical principles are more likely to have a happy marriage.
Every single day in June, the most popular wedding month of the year, about 13,000 American couples will say “I do,” committing to a lifelong relationship that they hope will be full of friendship, joy, and love that will carry them to their final days on this earth; except, of course, it doesn’t work out that way for some of them.[i]
I have performed nearly a hundred weddings in the last 30 or 40 years. Some of them made it, and some of them did not. Some of the couples that I thought would succeed, did not. And some of the ones that I was betting against, surprisingly are still married.
Every relationship will face tumultuous times. Yours will. Finances will be depleted, tragedy will strike, people will change, children will rebel, spouses will say and do damaging things, and troubles will come cascading into the family like a deluge during a winter storm in Oregon.
Through all these things, enquiring minds want to know, what will make my marriage work?
If you have been with me, for any period of time, you have probably heard a message or two on the family. I have preached nearly 100 messages on the family and have written a book on it called “God Strong Families.”
So you are not likely to hear much of anything new that I haven’t already said, but you are likely to hear everything true from God’s Word. Not new, but true. Truth this good deserves to be repeated. And today I’m going to share four simple, yet surprising truths about how to have a successful family. I’m going to share with you what love really looks like.
Let me just start with something new. Do you know all those studies we’ve heard about that claim that over 50% of all marriages fail, And that the divorce rate in the church is just as bad as the divorce rate outside the church? It turns out there is a new book out that claims that those are just myths that have been perpetuated on the American public.
In their book, The Good News about Marriage: Debunking Discouraging Myths about Marriage and Divorce, authors Shaunti Feldhahn and Tally Whitehead share the following: [ii]
Contrary to what is commonly suggested, the actual divorce rate has never been close to 50%. Instead almost 75% of people are still married to their first spouse, and some of those who aren’t have experienced the death of a spouse, not divorce. [iii]
And then there is this conclusion: Despite what you’ve been told, the divorce rate in the church is not the same as outside the church. In fact church attendees have a 25-50% lower divorce rate. [iv]
Now why is that? It is because people who go to church are more likely to know the surprising secrets of a happy marriage. It turns out that following a few essential biblical principles creates winning attitudes and behaviors in God’s people. And as you may have heard “Attitude is everything.” Or at least it is one of the really important things.
Your attitude is a significant predictor of your success in marriage. A positive attitude can help you overcome obstacles and develop resilience and bounce back from setbacks. Attitude is more important than talent, more significant than your IQ, more essential then looks, athleticism, business sense, and most any other category. Attitude is the engine that drives our responses and how we relate to other people.
So today, what I want to do is look at four important marriage truths and see how they impact our attitudes and behaviors in the most positive ways. Let’s do a quick survey of them.
Here is what loving wives do to contribute to a happy family
Are you ready for this surprising truth? Godly wives submit to their husbands. Sweet submission is one of the incredible secrets of a happy marriage. Never underestimate the power of a wife’s loving support and genuine respect for her husband. That’s what submission is. It is what will make your marriage one of the best in the world.
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Just what is submission? It comes from the Greek word is hoopo-tasso, and it is “a voluntary attitude of putting others first, of cooperating, and sharing their burdens.” It is respect for others opinions. It is demonstrating genuine enthusiasm and appreciation for the work that other people put in. It is being supportive. Submission is the cure for conflict. It is the key to unity and harmony. It is about being part of a team.
Submission is the key to marital harmony. It’s also the key to most relationships! You don’t have to always be in the driver’s seat! Not everybody gets to be the center forward or the quarterback. But every team member knows that glory hogs and show offs, and selfish players destroy a team, and that every orchestra needs a second fiddle or there will be no harmony.
This is about my attitude. It is about being my husband’s number one cheerleader! Everyone needs someone to cheer them on. We already have too many critics in the world. What we need is more encouragers.
Ladies, you have an incredibly powerful key that brings the kind of family harmony that you have always wanted! This is what love really looks like.
And according to verse 18, it’s very pleasing to the Lord. It is appropriate behavior if you are a Christian. Want to be successful ladies? Be your husband’s biggest cheer leader.
Here is what loving husbands do to contribute to a happy family
Godly husbands demonstrate the doting attitude of a servant in love, who just can’t do enough to show honor and respect to their wives. Flowers, dates, gifts, honor, respect, time, conversation, active listening… Never underestimate the power of personal self sacrifice and genuine love for your wife. That’s what love is, and it will make your marriage one of the best.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Personal self Sacrifice is at the core of every person’s relationship with God. Do you want to be spiritual? Then take up your cross and follow Jesus. Sacrifice your desires for God’s desires.
It turns out that passionate, red hot, love is all about sacrifice. Men you have at your fingertips an incredibly powerful key that can open the door to the marriage you have always wanted!
If you want this winning attitude, you need to love like Jesus loved! This is known as Agape love! How much did Christ love the church? Christ loves the church so much that he was willing to die for it. How important is the church? More important than anything else on earth.
But what can destroy this attitude? Bitterness. Why would a guy become bitter? When your wife doesn’t measure up, when she isn’t being submissive… beware lest you become bitter. Husbands God never meant for you to try and force your wife to be a good submissive woman. That’s not your job. You may want to do it, but believe me it’s counterproductive! The only thing it will create is bitterness. Don’t go there.
Men, you have an incredible powerful key that can bring the kind of family happiness that you have always wanted! This is what love really looks like.
Here is what loving children do to contribute to a happy family
Children who love Jesus and want to please him, will also want to be good kids. Good kids do their best to obey their parents at all times.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
In our crazy mixed up world where stories trickle down to us of educators who tell their class: “Now class, don’t tell your parents what I told you!” About gender transitioning, about drag queens, about premarital sex, and other sensitive topics; God’s word has always been a trusted source of information. And what the Bible tells children is this: Children obey your parents in all things.
Never underestimate the power of a child who is happy to do what mom and dad say! They will be so shocked and pleased that, they might even let you borrow the keys to the car!
There is almost nothing I can think of that brings more chaos into a family than a rebellious child, and there is just about nothing that has the power to bring harmony and joy into a family than happy, well adjusted, obedient kids.
They won’t be hanging off the cart at K-Mart. They won’t be screaming in the grocery store. They are happy to be well behaved. Children have incredible power to bring family harmony. You want to be pleasing to God? Obey your parents.
Here is what loving fathers do to contribute to a happy family
Godly fathers are engaged with their children. They spend time with them. They love them. They correct them. But most of all, godly fathers encourage their children, rather than filling them with anger, bitterness or resentment.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Fathers are typically the teasing type. And far too often that teasing becomes exasperating and frustrating to children. Father’s can also discourage their children through anger, injustice, favoritism, mistreatment, not showing up when they should.
Why aren’t mother’s included here? Because as a general rule, Mothers mother naturally, because that is how God made them, but fathers are often tired or claim to be too busy to be the father they were meant to be. One of the great reasons that children are growing up angry and frustrated is because father is missing.
But Fathers have an incredible, powerful influence on their children. Never underestimate the power of genuine encouragement of a father!
Listen, this is not rocket science. These principles are not new, but they are true. They have been around for thousands of years, and they are just as true today as when the ink dried on the page. It’s all about your attitude and behavior. If you want to change your family, change your attitude.
Wives, don’t be selfish, be submissive! Husbands don’t be self centered, be considerate and loving! Children, don’t demand your own way, be obedient. Fathers, don’t be a frustration, be an encourager. It’s very simple. The surprising secrets are out; People who apply biblical principles are more likely to have a happy marriage.
Research has found that the happiest couples who say that “God is at the center of our marriage” are twice as likely to report that they are very happy than others. The happiest couples worship together, share key values, focus on serving their spouses instead of being served, look to God for power to be selfless, and trust God for the outcome. They don’t look to marriage for fulfillment, they find that in God. [v]
[i] https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/
[ii] https://reformedperspective.ca/the-surprising-secrets-of-highly-happy-marriages/
[iii] https://reformedperspective.ca/the-surprising-secrets-of-highly-happy-marriages/
[iv] https://reformedperspective.ca/the-surprising-secrets-of-highly-happy-marriages/
[v] https://reformedperspective.ca/the-surprising-secrets-of-highly-happy-marriages/
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